New snow from last night drips incessantly from the rooftop as the warm rays of the February sun burn down on it. The wind has picked up just within the last twenty minutes and I know that it will wick away the moisture faster than the sun alone. Together they will reveal the grass and rocks in the fields and turn the road into a muddy mess.
Seems to me all the livestock have gotten off pretty easy this winter. The temperatures didn't drop down below minus 25 all winter and the last two months have been exceptionally warm.
I saw lots of bunny tracks in the snow on my walk this morning and grouse as well so they have obviously fared quite well. I think it only fair that we all get a break from old Man Winter every now and then.
There has been such a healthy, satisfied feeling in my life this year. Learning to love again, trust again, knowing my limitations, saying no to stress, living with the consequences and the not the guilt. For lack of a better term I would say embracing all that I am and am not. For a very long time I held myself at arm's length, and was afraid to say hello. I feared for the sake of fearing, as I now know, and in retrospect I truly was my own worst enemy. It is wonderful to be weak. Weakness brings humility and humility brings dependence and dependence brings relationship and relationship bring companionship and companionship brings a sense of belonging. Hiding weakness is exhausting. It drains you of life and longing, it did me anyway.
Each day I have been consistent in the new tasks I have taken on and that is what I am looking for, consistency. I may not be able to take on as much as I did but what I need to be is successful in the things I have been able to do. That is happening for me now and that is a sign of healing.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Courage
Finally the urge to write something overwhelms me! Thank God for that or I would never write anything.
February has been a cat and mouse game. Every now and then Spring peeks her head out, and I run after it, and then Schwuup! she is gone. Just as I give up hope, there she is again, and I, feeling tempted, try so hard to grab a hold of her. Sooner or later I'll get my hands on it, or in it.
For me Spring signifies everything it should or does. New life, fresh beginnings, and all that mushy stuff. I like to get my hands dirty in the spring. Planting, planting, planting................there is just something utterly amazing about watching something grow. I love it.
I have been thinking alot lately about individuality. About how people try so hard to be different from one another and the question is why? From what I have observed in my short lifetime is that no matter how hard we try we are never that different. We all seem to move in a cyclical manner, certain people at certain times, we generally have the same opinions about what is right and wrong, thus political correctness and general consensus. And how is it that you can be driving down a lonely dirt road and when you get to the stop sign another car comes along? Did you and the other driver leave the house at the same time, for the same reason and if so what prompted you? It is very possible that you end up following that car right to the grocery store. I am not sure about you but I find that really creepy.
If this is the case, and I am sure sociologists and psychologists would concur, then why don't we just lay down our "weapons" and let it be so? What pushes us towards individualism? Why do we actually want to stand out?
People are afraid of group psychology and yet it seems to me that it has been instrumental in the survival of the species. Just as it has been for other groups of animals that live in social hierarchies. I have never seen a cow trying not to be a cow, or a deer trying to look like a moose. What happens to us when we think like that? Is it good? Is it detrimental? Is it normal? I believe it is...........normal that is. That is really the irony in the whole thing! Individuality is normal!
From what I have observed the threat of blending in has driven us as a whole to stand out. The urge for social acceptance by the group pushes us into alternative lifestyles, hipster clothing, anime haircuts, heavy metal music and anywhere but Walmart. If we draw attention to ourselves we live in the protection of the group because they have noticed us. To live a life unknown, unloved, and unnoticed is death (in a primordial sense) to that person. We must be connected, noticed, and have a sense of belonging otherwise we suffer the consequences of the opposites to all that.
I need to be fair though in my thinking and I need to make clear to the reader that there are exceptions! And in light of all of the above I see now just how exceptional.
Martin Luther King, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Picasso, Shackelton, Mozart, C.S. Lewis, Lewis Carroll, and so many, many others. They took the road less travelled, they made sacrifices, and they garnered little in their lifetimes. Yet they left us such amazing treasures, they shared their vision with us, and moved in and out of compassion.
In a world of selfishness, self centered-ness, self loathing, self mutilating, self ingratiating, self healing and anything else that keeps us focused on the self, these people where driven to share themselves, their vision, and their hearts and many of them died lonely.
Now I need to consider these things. I need to make a decision based on what I know to be true. How deep does the water in my soul run? Where do I want to go and how superficial can I be?
In retrospect I would like to thank these people for their example. I would like to stand and applaud their spirit and I truly admire them, if not for their works, then for their courage.
Thank You
February has been a cat and mouse game. Every now and then Spring peeks her head out, and I run after it, and then Schwuup! she is gone. Just as I give up hope, there she is again, and I, feeling tempted, try so hard to grab a hold of her. Sooner or later I'll get my hands on it, or in it.
For me Spring signifies everything it should or does. New life, fresh beginnings, and all that mushy stuff. I like to get my hands dirty in the spring. Planting, planting, planting................there is just something utterly amazing about watching something grow. I love it.
I have been thinking alot lately about individuality. About how people try so hard to be different from one another and the question is why? From what I have observed in my short lifetime is that no matter how hard we try we are never that different. We all seem to move in a cyclical manner, certain people at certain times, we generally have the same opinions about what is right and wrong, thus political correctness and general consensus. And how is it that you can be driving down a lonely dirt road and when you get to the stop sign another car comes along? Did you and the other driver leave the house at the same time, for the same reason and if so what prompted you? It is very possible that you end up following that car right to the grocery store. I am not sure about you but I find that really creepy.
If this is the case, and I am sure sociologists and psychologists would concur, then why don't we just lay down our "weapons" and let it be so? What pushes us towards individualism? Why do we actually want to stand out?
People are afraid of group psychology and yet it seems to me that it has been instrumental in the survival of the species. Just as it has been for other groups of animals that live in social hierarchies. I have never seen a cow trying not to be a cow, or a deer trying to look like a moose. What happens to us when we think like that? Is it good? Is it detrimental? Is it normal? I believe it is...........normal that is. That is really the irony in the whole thing! Individuality is normal!
From what I have observed the threat of blending in has driven us as a whole to stand out. The urge for social acceptance by the group pushes us into alternative lifestyles, hipster clothing, anime haircuts, heavy metal music and anywhere but Walmart. If we draw attention to ourselves we live in the protection of the group because they have noticed us. To live a life unknown, unloved, and unnoticed is death (in a primordial sense) to that person. We must be connected, noticed, and have a sense of belonging otherwise we suffer the consequences of the opposites to all that.
I need to be fair though in my thinking and I need to make clear to the reader that there are exceptions! And in light of all of the above I see now just how exceptional.
Martin Luther King, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Picasso, Shackelton, Mozart, C.S. Lewis, Lewis Carroll, and so many, many others. They took the road less travelled, they made sacrifices, and they garnered little in their lifetimes. Yet they left us such amazing treasures, they shared their vision with us, and moved in and out of compassion.
In a world of selfishness, self centered-ness, self loathing, self mutilating, self ingratiating, self healing and anything else that keeps us focused on the self, these people where driven to share themselves, their vision, and their hearts and many of them died lonely.
Now I need to consider these things. I need to make a decision based on what I know to be true. How deep does the water in my soul run? Where do I want to go and how superficial can I be?
In retrospect I would like to thank these people for their example. I would like to stand and applaud their spirit and I truly admire them, if not for their works, then for their courage.
Thank You
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Winter
It has been a couple of months since I last posted anything. In that time I was able to welcome a new granddaughter into this world and watch the older two develop into the wonderful people I know they will be.
Winter came, Christmas came and now we are almost at the end of the very long month of January. That is good! Somehow it didn't feel like it took forever (which happens most years for me). I think that November and January are the worst months of the year. November is when the trees are stripped of their color and the grass fades and wind is bitter and everything waits for the snow. January is when the days are so short I feel like every minute is ticking and I have to get the most out of the daylight. Now that is all coming to an end! February is arriving and with it the sun. Winter is not so bad when the sun accompanies it. Longer days lend a sense of relief to the winter darkness and remind me of the coming season.
When I look out my window I see hills, trees, freshly fallen snow and the thermometer reads a balmy -3 C. A glorious day. I will finish what is before me and perhaps treat myself to a day out of the house.
One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, one thing and then the other. These are things that make each day precious, each day new, each day different than the next. I believe that they even shortened the month of January for me.
Learning always learning, taking it all in, and treasuring it. I have even found myself measuring my words. If it is not worth saying, don't say it. We say so many useless things in a day, say what matters. It doesn't necessarily mean a constant serious tone. To me it means listening and responding in kind. It means asking honest questions and expecting honest answers, which in turn demand the time it takes to listen. But how wonderful to have filled that gap in someone's day or your own!! I cannot stop reiterating how wonderful life really is. It is so fulfilling in and of itself and it blossoms. Life is always enlarging itself. It is exponential.
Winter reminds me of rest, solitude, reflection, challenge, and the wonderful feelings of provision. Providing food, warmth......protection from the elements. It is a necessary time of year, not a hibernation (as it is often compared to), but a regeneration. Time to till up the furrows of our mind, challenge ourselves and see how far we can step outside the box of our comfort zone. Winter provides us with time for that.
In time the wintery mantle will be,
Shed from the rooftops, garden and trees.
Sunshine quickens the rivers and brooks,
Trickling life into crannies and nooks!
Down with knitting,the books, and food
Up with gumboots, sweaters and mood.
Winter has left us our thoughts and our fears,
Taught us to treasure another good year,
Left us to tend to the garden we made.
A garden of dreams and ideas, and bade..
Us farewell as we sail into spring
Cultivating all that the winter did bring.
Winter came, Christmas came and now we are almost at the end of the very long month of January. That is good! Somehow it didn't feel like it took forever (which happens most years for me). I think that November and January are the worst months of the year. November is when the trees are stripped of their color and the grass fades and wind is bitter and everything waits for the snow. January is when the days are so short I feel like every minute is ticking and I have to get the most out of the daylight. Now that is all coming to an end! February is arriving and with it the sun. Winter is not so bad when the sun accompanies it. Longer days lend a sense of relief to the winter darkness and remind me of the coming season.
When I look out my window I see hills, trees, freshly fallen snow and the thermometer reads a balmy -3 C. A glorious day. I will finish what is before me and perhaps treat myself to a day out of the house.
One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, one thing and then the other. These are things that make each day precious, each day new, each day different than the next. I believe that they even shortened the month of January for me.
Learning always learning, taking it all in, and treasuring it. I have even found myself measuring my words. If it is not worth saying, don't say it. We say so many useless things in a day, say what matters. It doesn't necessarily mean a constant serious tone. To me it means listening and responding in kind. It means asking honest questions and expecting honest answers, which in turn demand the time it takes to listen. But how wonderful to have filled that gap in someone's day or your own!! I cannot stop reiterating how wonderful life really is. It is so fulfilling in and of itself and it blossoms. Life is always enlarging itself. It is exponential.
Winter reminds me of rest, solitude, reflection, challenge, and the wonderful feelings of provision. Providing food, warmth......protection from the elements. It is a necessary time of year, not a hibernation (as it is often compared to), but a regeneration. Time to till up the furrows of our mind, challenge ourselves and see how far we can step outside the box of our comfort zone. Winter provides us with time for that.
In time the wintery mantle will be,
Shed from the rooftops, garden and trees.
Sunshine quickens the rivers and brooks,
Trickling life into crannies and nooks!
Down with knitting,the books, and food
Up with gumboots, sweaters and mood.
Winter has left us our thoughts and our fears,
Taught us to treasure another good year,
Left us to tend to the garden we made.
A garden of dreams and ideas, and bade..
Us farewell as we sail into spring
Cultivating all that the winter did bring.
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